Sarcastic remarks to get you through the day:

• And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

• Do I look like a fucking people person?

• This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

• I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

• I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

• Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

• If I throw a stick, will you leave?

• You!... Off my planet!

• If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cats.

• Does your train of thought have a caboose?

• The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.

• Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

• Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

• A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

• A PBS mind in an MTV world.

• Allow me to introduce my selves.

• Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

• Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.

• Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

• See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.

• Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.

• I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

• I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?

• Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

• Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?

• It's not the size, it's... ok, it's the size.

• A woman's favorite position is CEO.

• I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

• A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

• Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

• Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?

• I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

• Okay, okay, I take it back! Un-fuck you!

• Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

• Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.

• Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

• Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

• I plead contemporary insanity.

• And which dwarf are you?

• How do I set a laser printer to stun?

• Meandering to a different drummer.

• I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?