Top Ten Things That Piss Me
by Adam Sandler
- People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is
buddy, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?
- The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy, considering he has no dick.
- People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote
because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
- When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too." Fuck off.
What good is a goddamn cake you can't eat?
- When people say "Its always in the last place you look." Of course it
is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after youve found it? Do people do this? Who
and where are they?
- When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?" No dicknose, I
paid $7.50 to come to the theatre and stare at fucking ceiling.
- The radio ad "Hi, I'm Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey Band. Don't drink and drive.
I don't." Well, I hope you don't drive sober either Mr. Healey. You're blind for
- People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice, did
ya there buddy?
- When something is new and improved, which is it? If its new, then there has never
been anything before it. If its an improvement, then there must have been something
- When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going. You should
know, asshole. You fucking pulled me over!